Meanderings
The Secret Meetings of Four-Year-Olds: Episode 3
Kid 1: OK, I think we need to make a decision about Santa.
Kid 2: What do you mean?
Kid 1: You know Santa isn’t real and I know Santa isn’t real, our parents, though, are in total denial.
Kid 2: It makes them happy. Let them keep believing for a couple more years.
Kid 1: No. This year, when Santa didn’t show, I saw my dad sneak downstairs and eat the cookies he made me leave out. When I asked him about it he totally lied to my face.
Kid 2: Jesus, the glass of milk my mom forced me to leave out!
Kid 1: See, total delusion.
Kid 2: Alright, how do we do this? We gotta let them down easy.
Kid 1: I think we better get an expert to give us some advice.
Kid 2: Let’s stay up all night Saturday and ask the Easter Bunny.
Kid 1: Great idea, I am sure he used to this sort of stuff.
The Secret Meetings of Four-Year-Olds: Episode 2
Kid 1: So I was watching Spongebob this morning.
Kid 2: I like Patrick!
Kid 1: Calm down. I’ve got some issues.
Kid 2: Are you crazy? It is probably the best written cartoon on Nickelodeon since Rocko’s Modern Life.
Kid 1: How do you know about that show? We are four.
Kid 2: Downloaded it off Piratebay.
Kid 1: Oh. Good call.
Kid 2: Thanks.
Kid 1: Anyway, Spongebob. He ostensibly lives under the sea, right? He also works the grill at a restaurant that is in this aforementioned body of water, correct?
Kid 2: I am with you so far.
Kid 1: OK. If he works the grill in an underwater restaurant how does it get hot enough to cook the Crabby Patties? I mean, the water would totally negate the efforts of any normally powered grill.
Kid 2: That is your problem with the show? The fact he is a talking sponge that lives in a pineapple doesn’t bother you?
Kid 1: Of course not, it’s a cartoon.
The Secret Meetings of Four-Year-Olds: Episode One
Kid 1: The strangest thing happened to me the other night.
Kid 2: Did you wake up and your bed was all wet?
Kid 1: Uh. No, man … no. My mom said something really weird to me at dinner.
Kid 2: Oh. What did she say?
Kid 1: It was the oddest thing. I was just kind of playing with my broccoli, you know, pretending that they were little trees.
Kid 2: Yeah, that’s fun.
Kid 1: Totally. Anyway, my mom looks at me and says “You better eat your vegetables, there are starving kids in Africa!”
Kid 2: What?
Kid 1: I know, right? I mean what does Africa have to do with the fact that my mother can’t properly steam broccoli?
Kid 2: It does not even really make sense when you think about it. I mean, logically, it’s not like if you finish your food that the children in the Sudan will stop being hungry.
Kid 1: Exactly! I was flabbergasted. I was unsure how to even respond.
Kid 2: Yeah that’s what flabbergasted means. So what happened?
Kid 1: I flipped over my plate and started to cry.
Kid 2: That will show her.